August 30, 2015. That Sunday morning changed the course of my life. I remember taking the test just to prove to myself that I wasn’t pregnant. After waiting a few minutes, I picked up the test and there it was, POSITIVE. I couldn’t believe it, we were going to have a baby! I was going to be a mom!
Fast forward to April 30, 2016. On that day, our little guy, Jaden Thomas, made his debut. I remember when the doctor placed him on my chest. I couldn’t believe he was here and how beautiful he was. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes and looked right into mine. I don’t really know how to describe what I felt. I was happy, but it seemed like much more than that. As he lay on my chest, reality hit, he was my baby and I was his mother.
Throughout my pregnancy, I found it hard to comprehend the fact that I was going to be someone’s mother. I remember writing in my journal on multiple occasions, “I can’t believe I’m going to be mom.” Even now, 9 months later, it all still seems so surreal.
“I’m a mom!”
“I’m a mom?”
Each day when I look at or think about my baby boy, that statement and/or question still goes through my mind. I know that motherhood is my reality and will be for the rest of my life. It’s still just so hard to believe that I really have a son, that God would trust me (us) with this little life. What a great responsibility! Most days I wrestle with feeling inadequate, lacking confidence in my ability to care for and raise Jaden. At times I’m afraid that I will mess up terribly at this thing called parenting.
Recently, I was reminded of this verse…
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV
I find comfort in those words and I am reminded that I’m not alone and I don’t have to be afraid. God has gone before me and He is with me. He blessed me (us) with Jaden, so why would He not be with me every step of the way? Beyond that, I have a supportive husband, parents, in-laws, and many friends who are also in my corner.
Each day with Jaden gives me as an opportunity to be courageous as I learn and discover what it means to be “Mom.”